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REPRODUCTION: SEX AND MARRIAGE
Reproduction can occur, of course, any time during the thirty-odd years or so when a woman is having her menstrual cycles. The age at which young couples have usually started their marital adventures and produced their progeny has varied during the centuries and according to their social environment. Until fairly recently, the numerical difference between the number of children conceived and the number who grew up has been tremendous – a sad part of family life.
Not too many generations ago, a woman unmarried at twenty-one or twenty-two was probably a spinster for life and a man over twenty-five a confirmed bachelor. Then came a period when the American man, in order to be self-respecting, had to be able to support his wife in her accustomed standard of living before he applied to her father for permission to become her recognized suitor.
I have a book written in 1875 to tell the facts of life, and the author says: “A man, having arrived at the age of thirty years, full grown, perfectly developed and desirous of marrying, should choose a woman who is not below twenty-four years of age.” Dr. Charles W. Eliot, a much wiser man, said that the one advantage the poor had over the rich was that they contracted earlier marriages. I am pleased that recently the general trend seems to be towards earlier marriages and larger families.
There have been numerous books of sex instruction for newly married couples. In Victorian days they were so “respectable” that they would not bring a blush to the cheek of a Jane Austen heroine. Some of the recent ones would startle the most sophisticated clubman and tell him things he knew not of.
We now have our hero and heroine safely married. But are they going to live happily forever afterwards, as the story books have told us? The modern stories of true love, unhappily, too often have different endings. Platonic love was long ago admitted to be negligible in the mating of man and woman. We were careful how we discussed sex as the foundation of romance, but nobody disputed the part it played. Today we are realizing that too often it makes and breaks the bonds of matrimony. How shall we reduce these latter unfortunate accidents?
The old ascetic idea, that sex relations are for propagation purposes only, has of course been given lip service only, and now it is certainly not given even that. It is frankly admitted that the associated pleasure results in the strongest of human drives, next to self-preservation. It is the most intense expression of physical love between husband and wife.
But students of this situation are convinced that maladjustment of sex relations is the greatest cause of the break-up of family life that is such a blot on modern society. Divorce court judges and others in a position to know tell us that sexual maladjustment plays a part in almost every divorce. Both man and wife should have equal desire for intercourse and should get equal satisfaction. Apparently the average woman is sexually aroused more slowly than a man and requires more time to reach a climax. Hence, when the husband’s orgasm occurs and she has none, she may be left with her organs congested and with keyed-up, unsatisfied emotions.
The chief remedy for this, in most cases, if not all, is a period of preparation with much love play. Some modern books go into detail about the technique of this. It would seem fair to believe that not all of it needs to be carried out by every couple, but the modern young girl approaching marriage should understand, and probably does, that “dignified acquiescence” alone is not apt to be enough for a perfect marriage.
Pre-marital consultations are common now. The ideal consultant would seem to be a physician, but he needs much more than medical knowledge. “Psychology” must be a part of his equipment, but always with the understanding that psychology is no more an exact science than is medicine.
As regards reproduction, women, with today’s medical and hospital standards, can be happy and safe both before and during childbirth. When they are pregnant, they often have an added attractiveness – a sort of glow. If expectant mothers want advice, they had much better listen to their doctors, not to their friends.
There has been speculation as to whether the children born of young parents are inclined to be healthier than those with older parents; and whether the babies with more mature mothers and fathers are more intellectual. The amazing variations in the offspring of the same parents and with the same environment lead to our consideration of the remarkable fact that the tiny ovum, fertilized by the tinier sperm, can contain many potential characteristics. These characteristics are, of course, as the sands of the sea and yet they are undoubtedly not subject to chance but are governed by rules, as are all the forces of the universe. Our slowly accumulating knowledge of this is the subject of the modern study of heredity.
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