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DEALING WITH THE CAUSE OF INSOMNIA: SELF-TALK
The best way to break unhelpful habits is to start exchanging them for helpful ones. The first thing is to recognize in what particular ways your habitual thinking or behaviour is keeping you in that sleepless groove. How do you talk to yourself and others about your sleep? If you label yourself ‘insomniac’ and tell yourself every time you head for bed that it’ll take you ages to get to sleep, you are simply reinforcing the programming that keeps you awake. You can change some of that thinking now, by lolling yourself that you are now on the way to improving your sleep, and by no longer telling other people that you suffer from insomnia.
Be honest with yourself about this. Lots of people ‘enjoy’ their ailments. In some cases this can be an excuse for avoiding things I hey don’t want to do, or even living a more fulfilled life. I would stress that this kind of pattern is very rarely deliberate: it’s often another conditioned response, perhaps going back to a time when being ill got a child more of its mother’s love and attention than when he or she was well. Never sleeping well may prevent people like this from facing up to other problems, or taking on new ventures which would mean change. That doesn’t mean 1 hey are purposefully choosing not to sleep, but it’s possible that lack of sleep has secondary advantages, like making their families feel sorry for them.
Could this apply to you? And if it does, do you really want to be someone others feel sorry for? Close your eyes and imagine for a moment telling your spouse or workmates, ‘I slept wonderfully last night!’ How does it feel? Probably uncomfortable at this moment, because it isn’t true. How comfortable would it feel if it were true?
Start noticing your habitual thoughts about insomnia. In particular, look out for sentences beginning ‘I always . . .’ or ‘I never . . .’ or ‘I know . . .’ For example:
‘I always take hours to get to sleep’ or ‘I always wake up for hours in the middle of the night!
These statements may not actually be true, although they feel true to you. As we’ve seen, most insomniacs over-estimate how long they take to get to sleep or lie awake during the night. You could make a start by recognizing that your perception of the amount of sleep you get may be inaccurate.
I’m never going to get to sleep tonight’ is another habitual statement which is an excellent way of programming your brain to stay awake.
7 know I’ll feel dreadful if I can’t get to sleep’. Of course, lack of sleep makes you tired, but you can also talk yourself into feeling worse. There are alternatives, such as telling yourself that even though you’d like more sleep, your body is still getting all the rest it needs.
Make a game of catching these kinds of thoughts. It may help you to write them down. Then try replacing your negative statements with positive ones; a good start might be: ‘I’m now learning how to sleep better.’ Make your positive statements ones you can believe. Telling yourself ‘I am going to sleep perfectly tonight’ may not work, because at this point you probably won’t believe it, and trying to convince yourself will set up further tension. But you could try: ‘I will take tonight as it comes.’ You may be surprised by the results.
Starting to change your self-talk can be a way of opening up other possibilities. Once you realize that you don’t have to be a victim of your own thinking and reactions, all kinds of barriers can begin to crumble.
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